Happy to be Alive

WARNING: If you don't feel comfortable getting "up in my business" or the following words embarrass you or make you squeamish, you shouldn't read on: blood, blood clots, tampons, vagina, vaginal bleeding, menstrual cycles, uterus, pregnancy, pregnancy loss, fibroid tumors, surgery (w/ pictures), etc.

This is difficult to write. I rarely get super personal on this blog. However, this is our family history and the following has impacted our family in such way that it must be recorded. I hope I can get through it. You do not however, have to read on. It's more for myself than for anyone else.

For the past year I have had very irregular menstrual cycles. I bleed (heavy or light) 3 weeks out of the month. Ovulation, mensuration, etc, is all painful. My OB/GYN in Dallas has told me that I've got small cysts on my ovaries and what looked like the a small fibroid uterine tumors. I could have surgery to remove them or remove my uterus. Another pregnancy for me, was very unlikely without some type of surgery.

Christopher and I prayerfully came to the understanding and peace that our family is complete and we decided that once we got to Utah, we would make plans to "fix" my problems. I was also gaining weight like a mad woman with my new medications that I take for other issues, and for the last couple months it was getting out of control. We would also have my thyroid checked. My mother had to have a hysterectomy in her early 30's due to thyroid issues, so I was beginning to think I was having the same issues.

We get to Utah, I call up a trusted OB/GYN of my sister in law and the soonest they can get me in for my pain and bleeding is December 30th. I figure, well, I've been dealing with it for a few months now, what another. Only this month the pain was getting far worse and I was bleeding through super tampons AND a pad in an hour and then stop bleeding for a day and repeat the next. Something was definitely up.

Sunday the 6th we were getting ready for our first Sunday to our new ward when my cramping (which I believed to be my period I was due for) came with such a vengeance I had to lay down in the fetal position and cry through the pain that was near constant. I asked Christopher to give me a blessing and stay with me. That night I hemorrhaged. The bleeding came vaginally. The next morning I called the OB/GYN and was again told the 30th was the soonest they could get in. That day (Monday) I felt a little better, the bleeding was gone again and I just felt beat up and battered down there. Really bruised.

Tuesday the 8th was about the same as the day before however come 4pm I was again cramping hard. This time, the pain wasn't going away with strong prescription pain meds and I would pass out while using the bathroom bleeding on the toilet. I sensed this was more than just a really bad period. By the time Christopher got home from work, I had my sister Julia on her way to stay with the kids, we were going to the ER.

They got us in right away which was such a blessing. Filled out lots of forms, asked lots of questions...like, could you be pregnant, which I replied - NO WAY..I bleed too much and too often to ever get pregnant. As they took me to a room it happened again. I was hemoraging again. Right through my pants, my socks, shoes. I waddled to the bathroom and screamed as the blood just would not stop coming.

They started testing by taking my blood samples, doing ultrasounds of my uterus and abdomen. Things didn't look too out of the ordinary according to their results other than a few little cysts on my left ovary. However, when the blood test came back, it came back positive for pregnancy. And not just barely pregnant, like at least 8-10 weeks pregnant by the number. They immediately suspected ectopic pregnancy as they didn't find anything in my uterus. I was in SO MUCH PAIN! The traditional IV pain medications would not work on me. The highest dose of morphine was a joke. I was also in a major disbelief! I could I miss a pregnancy!?!?

I was released with more pain medication (eye roll) and told to contact my OB/GYN in the morning for an appointment. The next day, called the doctor and was told to come in at 4pm. While there they did an ultrasound and indeed found a pregnancy. However, they told me it was IN my uterus and thus not ectopic and were dumbfounded the ER docs missed this. They also noted what looked like a grapefruit sized bleed cyst on my right ovary. They suspected this is where the bleeding was coming from. The pregnancy measured 9 weeks 5 day and had no heartbeat. They guessed I would have been due sometime in the first part of July. That ultrasound was incredibly painful. I was clutching the sides of the table and screaming. This is coming from someone who doesn't bat an eye while having pelvic exams and IUD's placed.

They decided to first take another blood test the following morning to make sure my pregnancy hormone numbers were going down to rule out another pregnancy behind the giant cyst. They we would schedule a D&C for the following morning to remove the fetus and see what they could do about the cyst. By 2:30 pm the following day (Friday the 11th) I was being wheeled in to OR room 3 for a D&C. I was put under for the procedure. Apparently, while they went in, they found blood clots in my uterus. Lots of them. But no pregnancy.

Christopher was in the waiting room just after surgery began when the doctor came out and said they would need to do another procedure (laparotomyand laparoscopic) to find the now confirmed ectopic pregnancy and clean out my clot ridden reproductive system. They made incisions on my left side, in my belly button, and right side of my lower abdomen. Here's what they found through pictures:

Left side, looking nice and pink and fleshy. No trauma there. No blood found in the middle either.

Ah, there's the baby on the right side. He/she had implanted in my right fallopian tube which had been destroyed/ruptured. I was "lucky to be alive" as the doctors put it. It wasn't "luck", its called the Priesthood and prayer! They removed everything on my right side as it was just useless and destroyed.

I had the classic signs/symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy now that I read about them. I just never in a million years for some reason suspected I was pregnant at all. I had too many other problems that they were masked with all my other pains/issues. Come to find out, the "bleed ing cyst" was really just my ectopic pregnancy and blood clots. It's amazing what these doctors did and didn't know until they got in and saw for themselves. Unbelievable. Apparently, an ectopic pregnancy caught by 5-6 weeks gestation is good for the mother. Anything later than that is highly problematic for the mothers health and I was in a life/death gamble from Sunday (when they believe it ruptured) to finally Friday when surgery was done.

As I woke up from surgery I already felt better. I was in pain, but nothing like what I had been going through. I had been pretty numb to the idea that at one time I was pregnant with my 4th child. However, the denial and shock has sense gone and I now grieve every once in a while for that child I saw on ultrasound. It had little budded legs, a large head, but no heartbeat. It lived inside of me fighting for life, doomed from the start. Almost 10 weeks! Every now and again I'll find myself getting weepy, however, I'm just happy to be alive to mother my 3 healthy living children.

Shout out to my sister Julia and her fiance Hyrum for coming to my rescue on Tuesday evening and then again on Friday. And to my brother Jarom and his wife Chelsea for their continual help at home. I'm so glad that if I had to have emergency surgery 2 weeks after arriving in Utah, that I have family who cares enough to stand by us. I LOVE YOU GUYS! And let us not forget my eternal GOOSE! Christopher has really stepped it up this past week and I'm so thankful to have him by my side!!!

This ended up being WAY MORE than I was going to write and there is still so much more to the story, but this is good for now. It has been somewhat of a little therapy for me and now I don't have to repeat the jest of my situation a million times...just check out my blog! :-)